The Gods must have been singing the other morning. I got off work & was driving home on the interstate....& right there, in the middle of the all that morning traffic, I had a spiritual experience. Now, I work the night shift as an ER nurse & during weekday shifts I get off @ 6:00AM instead of the regular 7:00AM like most people because I have to get my youngest son off to school, so I see many a sunrise during all the changing of the seasons. It was one morning last week that it happened. It was around 6:30AM, & oh, how to describe it.....well, part of the sky was overcast, not like rain on the horizon, but like clouds just passing through (rather large ones), but the other end of the sky was clear. The sun was coming up just @ the edge of the clouds causing the clear end of the sky to be showered with the brightest, most unreal colors I've ever seen in a natural setting. The colors were beyond description! In the quiet, still parts of my soul I could actually hear the Gods singing in celebration. I have no other way to describe it. I just SOOO felt the need to share it with someone...maybe one of you guys out there will understand what it is I'm trying to express. It's one of those feelings you meditate for, work for but never quite achieve when you're really trying. It just comes to you in the most unexpected ways & settings. I hope the Gods sing for you as they did for me.

Having some difficulty lately....the more you learn & all that. It has me questioning some, at least for me, vital things regarding "religious beliefs" & such. When I first heard the terms "pagan" & "neo-pagan" I was informed that it didn't ONLY refer to Wicca but that it was more like an umbrella term refering to many different religions & beliefs that didn't fall under "Judeo-Christian". What I DID know was that for as long as I could remember, I didn't fall under that category either. Living in the "Bible Belt", however, I was surrounded by people that did. With a little more research & book diving, I found that perhaps there WAS a term I could use to describe my beliefs that didn't include "atheist" or "agnostic".

Now, the person I spoke to about this most freely considered herself "Pagan". Her children were named for the Celtic Tree Months in which they were born & her almost-husband had been very active in the pagan community where they had previously lived (Indiana). She was the first person to reveal to me that I wasn't alone & that there really WAS an entire community out there similiar to myself. She provided several books for me to read on the subject & taught me a great deal about Magick & her own views.

Now, I've joined, browsed, fiddled with several websites (such as this one) in which I could expose myself to even more info, outlooks, beliefs, thoughts, etc. & what I'm discovering is that almost every one of them are majority Wiccan. Having realized this is the largest group of pagans, I delved into learning about Wicca: the beliefs, the ways, the rituals, etc. My personal creed is: KNOWLEDGE IS POWER & I follow it wholeheartedly. My beliefs do not place me in the Wiccan category any more than the Xian category. What's bothering me so much lately is that I'm running across a great deal of Wiccans that are almost as judgemental & closed-minded as the Xians I've dealt with my whole life! I can no more talk to many of them about my beliefs than I can a Xian!

Wicca doesn't work for me personally, I think, because I'm so scientifically & logically minded. I love looking to myths, legends, old stories & such for metaphors, enlightenment, inspiration, etc. but the whole ritual thing just doesn't work for me. I don't bow to any deity, but to the power of the universe as an unconscious energy force that can be utilized & directed with the right amount of will. I believe in balance & the power of the mind. Does this dis-qualify me as "Pagan"? And, if it does, what does it make me? Am I alone again, as I thought I was when I was surrounded by Xians? If so, is there anyone who can point me in the right direction? I DO NOT push my beliefs or views onto anyone else. I don't lament that one person's belief is less credible than anyone else's or judge people according to what works for them. I judge people for their actions & hold them responsible for them, as I do myself. I'm not perfect, nor do I expect perfection in anyone else....but I DO expect people to afford me the same resect. I have Xian, Wiccan, & Pagan friends alike with whom I can talk with, debate points with, laugh with, but the more I learn, the more I discover that maybe I can't really....TRULY share who & what I am with the very people I expected tolerance from!

If I have made a mistake in joining this website, someone please let me know. I'm feeling very discouraged & unaccepted. I'd rather not have fingers pointed at me telling me I'm making a mockery of the Wiccan beliefs by only accepting some but not all of them. I believe whole-heartedly in "Harm None, Do What You Will", the power of circles, the elementals, karma, but not all of it works for me. I use the pentacle for a symbol of my belief because I believe strongly in the power of the 5 elements & as I see it, Wiccans don't have exclusive rights to it. I'm not trying to "dilute" Wiccan beliefs in any way OR make a "mockery" of them, but I believe what I believe & I REFUSE to apologize for it.

Alright, Tina, we doing signs? It's one of my special loves, so I'm willing to go out on a limb with this one. I have a great little book here by Richard MacDonald called "Nasty Astrology" that gives you your darker side...the one no one wants to tell you about! My family & I howled with laughter reading this stuff. Now, I don't know everyone's sign, so we'll do this one @ a time. I'll just give you the tip of the iceberg for each right now.

ARIES (22nd March - 20th April)

Arians are independent & hold most people in contempt. They have a quick fiery temper & are impatient & scornful of advice. They can be exceedingly abrupt & blunt. Their arrogance knows no bounds. They think there are only 2 ways to do anything - their way & the wrong way. They may be right, but they lack diplomatic skills & will win no friends. When it comes to relationships & commitment they are still looking for the meaningful one-night-stand. They're not as tall as they say they are.

TAURUS (21st April - 21st May)

Taureans like others to think of them as refined, & experts when it comes to food & drink. This is just a cover; they are in reality a glutton & a drunk. They care nothing for culture, it's all a matter of getting quantity rather than quality, although they do make a good job of fooling most people. They are greedy both for oral satisfaction & material wealth. No one can accumulate quite like them. They can also do a nice line in fake environmental concern - they really don't give a damn just so long as they own it all. They have too many close relatives.

GEMINI (22nd May - 21st June)

For a Gemini, life is just one long game. It has no reality - they see it all as a movie or a computer game. They are good at business but shouldn't be trusted near others' piggy banks, pocket money or purses. They'll steal & lie & cheat - just so long as they look good & appear on top. They have no morals, no ethics & will reach the top. They'd sell their granny if they could make money on her.

CANCER (22nd June - 22nd July)

Because Cancerians have no life of their own, they just love to hear about other people's problems - & they are gullible enough to think they might be of some help. How can they be when they have had no real experiences? They're supposed to be good home makers - this is a myth - but they've spread this rumour because they're just too scared to go into the real world & find out what it's like. They think they have exquisite taste - but their style is old-fashioned, dark & boring. They will get fat no matter what they eat.

LEO (23rd June - 23rd August)

Ego first, second & last with a Leo. If only they'd stop to realize that the world doesn't quite revolve around them as much as they think it does. They are so full of themselves that others are taken in & they can build up quite a following of sycophants & hangers-on. This only helps bolster their already over-inflated sense of worth. They think any job they have is a career. They fail to notice how bad their lovers are because they're so busy watching their own performance - & that's what it is, a performance. They wear too much make-up.

VIRGO (24th August - 22nd September)

They have too many dictionaries & reference books. They could try reading a few of them. They are picky, sharp & bad-tempered if they don't get their own way. Their need for cleanliness & order is an obsession & they should consider therapy. They have few friends & those they do have, they critize constantly. They have no emotions & might just as well be replaced by a machine. No one needs to wash their hands as much as they do.

LIBRA (23rd September - 23rd October)

Librans think of themselves as balanced & able to weigh up both sides - in actual fact they are ditherers with no real opinions or beliefs. They think they are quite artistic, but most people see them as wishy-washy & indecisive with no grip on reality. Quite right too. They are cowardly & incapable of standing up to anyone or anything. They would make a good professional yes-person.

SCORPIO (24th October - 22nd November)

Scorpios are disruptive & cruel - & they like it that way. They spent their childhood pulling the wings off flies & now they feel hampered & restricted because they can't do it as an adult. So they just go out of their way to irritate everyone around them. They like offending people & have no social graces whatsoever. They may well end up being assassinated. They are very argumentative.

SAGITTARIUS (23rd November - 21st December)

Sagittarians have no real talent or skills & survive purely on gut instinct & luck. They are a status-seeking snob with a reckless risk-taking approach to life - which seems to pay off, for the moment (but their day is coming). They really care what other people think of them - how pathetic. They love travel, but it's really only running away for them, isn't it? Anything to avoid an honest days work.

CAPRICORN (22nd December - 20th January)

One day a Capricorn will take a risk & the world will stop in shock. They are cool to the point of frozen; self-possessed to the point of wooden; & sceptical to the point of not even believing in themselves. They are the old-fashioned type - stuck in another era, another time warp. They are staid & boring, tight-fisted & mean. They have no true emotions. They have no real sex life.

AQUARIUS (21st January - 19th February)

Aquarians really ought to care a little more about who they sleep with - especially in this day & age. They are laid-back, organized & cool - these are also the attributes of any good confidence trickster. They never appear to do any work but they always have plenty of money - they must be sponging off someone. They are lazy & indulgent. They could try repaying some of their debts some time. They hate cuddly toys.

PISCES (20th February - 20th March)

Pisceans have a vivid imagination & sense of drama. They frequently suffer from conspiracy delusions of being followed. They are good actors which makes it hard for people to get to know them - a fact they like because it makes them seem enigmatic & mysterious. They like people to regard them as a lot deeper than they really are.